I have been trying and trying for a couple of weeks now to get this blog done. My monthly topic is fear (one I am intimately familiar with, by the way). I have so much to say, to share... yet nothing was coming up. I tried to force it (didn't work). I tried to flow it (didn't work). So I left it.
Today I'm still not feeling the fear, well at least the topic of fear so you know what? I'm not gonna do it. Today I decided that I love myself enough to let it be. To not follow my own guidelines, to disappoint anyone who was waiting on some magical words that would make their load a little lighter, to simply be enough. It's difficult to do, to love yourself enough to just be where you are, how you are, when you are. And right now, I am not in a place of wanting to write about fear.
What I can tell you though is that love and fear are opposites. Their vibrations are so far apart that it's really hard to stay in both at once. There are about as many ways to soothe the beast that is fear, just as there are about 3 million incarnations of it. It changes, it grows, it shifts, it returns in a whole new sneaky way. Today I'm saying that's ok. Come at me. Give me your best shot... the not enoughs, the what ifs, the not agains... for today fear, I am standing in, rooting in and bathing like a puppy in a pool of marshmallows in... LOVE.
I love me. I even love you, fear. I know that we can exist together, but I cannot be filled with love, basking in it's glowy dew and still let you lead. So just for today I am not going to write about fear. I am not going to give you a voice. I am going to return to love and be enough without following through, without showing up in the way I said I would, only sharing what is sitting in my heart today... love.
And that's enough.